Drink #22

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I always think of Robyn as my dopple ganger and I always tell her that when I see her. I hope she doesn’t mind. We don’t necessarily look alike but I think we’d be described the same way on paper. “You know that girl, probably late 30s, tall, long kinda messy/ wavy blondish hair, a little bit boho, works in television, used to be at network A, then went to network B, then left network B…” The list I discovered over our Wednesday night drink goes on. We both bought houses within blocks of each other, we both have older brothers who are the brunette versions of us, who know a lot about a lot and fix our respective computers and internet when they visit. We both play tennis, own cats and we have over 60 mutual friends on facebook. Yet we’ve never hung out “on purpose” that is to say, we’re two working women who cross paths every few months at weird events or weirder house parties. The drink was far overdue.

The difference between us (and yes I know we are different people) is that she went ahead and did what I fear the most. She left the safe salary life to go at it on her own. She is currently taking career risks and it appears to be paying off. She’s gathering credits like director and creator and writer whereas I for fifteen years have only had the word producer beside my name. She told me over our cheese plate that it’s about recognizing what you’re good at which I can do. Then you fake it ‘til you make it which I think I’ll never be able to do. If one could pay for confidence I would have been saving pennies since the 90s. But on the flip side I know deep down and am very good at what I do, it’s just the selling myself part that’s uncomfortable for me. Luckily thus far my abilities have stood for themselves and I’m fortunate to have people who believe in me and keep employing me. Thanks guys.

I spent a lot of time in an edit suite with Oprah the other week. Scrolling through two hours of footage for five days, some words started to stick. She said your instincts can not fail you you must recognize your ‘purpose’, and also some thing about ‘whispers’ - I mostly fast forwarded through those parts but a little bit of it got in. Maybe that’s what happens when you are 40. The self improvement stuff you roll your eyes at in your 20s/30s might begin to make sense.